112th Dipsea: Ballesteros running to remember father

San Rafael's Victor Ballesteros will be back on the trail he describes as "magic" when he runs the 112th Dipsea on Sunday, June 11, 2023. He'll be running for more than a prize, though. He'll be running for the memory of his late father, Eduardo, who encouraged him to compete in the Dipsea in the first place. (Photo courtesy of Victor Ballesteros)

Every step forward along the Dipsea Trail brings Victor Ballesteros another step closer to his father.

Eduardo Ballesteros was often at the finish line to cheer on his son, Victor, at the end of the Dipsea — an adventure Victor counts among his most cherished. Eduardo, who died four years ago at age 83, lost his struggle with Alzheimer's disease and dementia, which combined to impair his memory and his cognitive abilities.

"Despite how dark the whole scenario can be, it's a blessing to do this family archaeology," Victor Ballesteros said. "I’ll find things and say ‘I remember this,’ or ‘I didn't even know this was here.’ I found a Dipsea program my father had. There's a photo from when Melody Anne Schultz won the race and you can see spectators at the finish line, and my dad is right there in the crowd."

That is the kind of memory that keeps Victor Ballesteros coming back to the Dipsea.

"As I’d go to run the Dipsea I’d tell him what I’m doing and there were moments when I thought he connected," said Ballesteros, who finished 34th in the Dispea in 2014 to win a treasured black shirt. "I showed him the shirt, the black shirt, but it was not the same without him there at the finish line."

Victor Ballesteros is now caring for his mother, whose health has been declining during the past year as she is now fighting dementia.

"I’m trying to find some footing and balance in my life," Victor Ballesteros said. "The Dipsea is a place where I can do that. It brings me closer to the stuff from my past with my dad and even my mom."

According to the Mayo Clinic, "Dementia is a term used to describe a group of symptoms affecting memory, thinking and social abilities severely enough to interfere with your daily life. It isn't a specific disease, but several diseases can cause dementia. Though dementia generally involves memory loss, memory loss has different causes. … Alzheimer's disease is the most common cause of a progressive dementia in older adults, but there are a number of other causes of dementia."

In Victor's experience, "The evil of this disease is you essentially lose who you are. It's tragic for anyone who loses a loved one that way. You remember them in the best physical and mental state and then they are the same person, but they don't recognize you. They get upset because they don't understand why you are in their house. You have to ride the wave. I’m just here with them and we’ll ride this until we get to the end."

"My father was brilliant with numbers," Victor said as he remembered Eduardo, who worked at the Presidio with the Army Corps of Engineers. "To see him be this person who couldn't really speak, it was difficult. That person he used to be was gone, yet he was still with you. That was always the strangest dichotomy in that he was not gone, gone — but he was still gone."

Being a caretaker can be physically and emotionally stressful, which can take its own toll.

"I’ve suffered depression and anxiety since high school and since then it's ebbed and flowed," Victor said. "Around the time my dad got sick — and the pandemic didn't help — my own mental health took a dip. That's another reason my running went by wayside. The challenge for me has been to accept I needed to get help."

Victor "started to run less and less, but in terms of the Dipsea, I did what I had to do to stay in shape for the Invitational section."

Through family illness, divorce and depression, the Dipsea has always been something Victor Ballesteros can look forward to. So once again, he’ll line up in downtown Mill Valley on Sunday for the 7.4-mile race, hoping to do well enough to win another black shirt awarded to the top 35 finishers.

"I’ve always loved running," Victor Ballesteros said, who lives and runs near China Camp State Park. "I was not keen to trail running and not keen to run anything past 5-10 kilometers, but my dad and I loved outdoors. He was super adventurous. I asked him about the Dipsea and told him I heard about this race, so we hiked the trail to see what it was like. We ended up getting lost, it turned out OK. We ended up at the Tourist Club where they were serving drinks."

Victor said, "My dad was an engineer and he loved stats and rankings, so the whole Dipsea timing structure fascinated him. And year after year, I kept having new goals: this time I want to break an hour, this time I want to try to get closer to a black shirt. My times kept getting better and I found I have a propensity about trail racing."

Victor has competed in ultramarathons across the west and beyond, even to Europe and beyond. But he always comes home to run his favorite trail — whether it's for the Dipsea, the Double Dispea or the Quad Dipsea.

"There are people who don't get it, but no trail I’ve ever been on is as magical as that trail," Victor Ballesteros said of the Dipsea. "I want them to scatter my ashes on that trail."

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